Acceptance
by ArcherHana
Summary: It was a long, tedious road. The time has now come to accept this, to accept her... She must.


**Acceptance**

* * *

Y holding zan in one hand, H's strapped on shoulder, or resting on the ground from her kneeled position.

Retsu ignored the presence standing close beside her, stare so intense. Yachiru squatted down, but made sure the sword in her hand never touched the ground.

"Never on time..."

"I've waited here for a long moment before you've arrived."

Yachiru shook her head.

"Nothing compared to the centuries you've left me, abandoned me."

Retsu stared at the flowers surrounding her and enticed her breathing to remain calm. She watched as a hand grazed the flowers and plucked one, almost carelessly – she could almost hear the ripping of the part left in the earth and the part now rolling on her hand. Both inspected the flower, before fingers crushed everything with a mere wave of reiatsu. She didn't need to look up to see these lifeless, bored eyes showing no shock nor mercy.

"Let's begin, shall we?"

"Please allow me another moment." Retsu noticed the reiatsu growing more heavy. She watched as the flowers moved, bending towards the ground.

"As you've said, you've already waited so long, a few more minutes-"

"It's always the same. Always asking for more time, always turning your attention away from important matters, always closing yourself completely off from the outside world, from yourself."

Retsu watched the pleasant nature changing. Nature dried, clouds blocked the lonely sun, chilly wind dropped the temperature.

"I've allowed this to continue more than enough." Yachiru straightened herself even more. "I should had pushed further. Soul Society wouldn't be in this mess, then."

"Speculation. And you know well the soutaichou's orders are – _were – _absolute."

"To _you_." Retsu glanced at the ends of her uniform. "To _both _of us."

"Yamamoto had tamed you, made you weak."

"You have listened to him many times, too."

"Only when it coincidences with my own interests. Most of the time I cared little for it. A big difference with blindly following orders."

"_Absolute _orders. My opinions matters not." Retsu shifted her knees resting beneath her, and tried to think of a more pleasant view than the current, bleak one.

"You're a fool._" _

"And you are an idiot."

"You seem to show the same devotion to his successor. Or perhaps you've finally come to your senses. We both know this charade cannot go on forever, not with the boy alive and desperately needed now." Yachiru stepped on the crumbled remains of the lone flower.

"And you've tried so _hard t_o change, to try to fit in, to have a clean, fresh start, to do things differently. But a part will always remain furry and unreal, doesn't it? Flashes and unpleasant odours and noises reminding you of the life you _so _wanted to reject and bury forever under that polite smile and soft voice and that ridiculous braid. I think you've been secretly hoping for his demise, for matters to accumulate this far that even these Guards needed to come down. For matters to grow so desperate and chaotic that you'll be forced to show your scar and lure him to you."

"All a silly theory with no proof." Retsu tried to contain her trembling, but whispers of it escaped to her voice.

"Not direct, but indirectly, simple too much evidence. As always playing the innocent victim."

Yes, Retsu wanted to make the final step, but she didn't have the guts to do it herself. Everything resurfaced when she faced Aizen, but her owing the soutaichou – no, _former _soutaichou – her life and her devotion and healing skills and being needed by not only her Division, but the whole of Seireitei prevented her from doing anything rash, stopping her from following that particular train of thoughts. Instead, she'd burdened a mere child with this horrific task. She messed up his whole life, manipulated everything for her own gain. She was disgusted of herself, absolutely. She hated herself wholly. Every part of her.

But, as always, what she wished for would not happen. _She_ didn't allow this. At least not now, judging the rapidly changed weather. Yachiru wanted to see the boy in full glory, wanted to release her Zanpakutou completely and having no other worries but fighting. She wanted to punish Retsu, give her just a hint of agony and pain Retsu had forced her to endure centuries.

She wanted Retsu to be trapped, an armless spectator, and forced to watch things done to her that she absolutely didn't want to. She wanted to cut away that hair band, but not upbraiding her hair. She wanted her to plead to her, and the hurt of that going unheeded.

"I do not want this."

"Of course not." But both knew Retsu was fooling herself. She just needed a little push. She'd always needed someone else to take the initiative. She buried herself in the false sense of all choices being ripped away from her. But she wouldn't humor her this time.

Retsu didn't fight back at first. She allowed herself to be knocked away, allowed her Zanpakutou to be ripped away – Retsu never liked to touch any part of Minazuki – and shallow cuts prickled her skin. She refused to heal herself, and needed to stop her deeply ingrained reflexes from dodging the blows, fleeing to safety. Her blue eyes refrained from looking into the other pair, the very same color, yet now appearing so much more darker.

"Look at me." Minazuki fell onto the dead grass.

"Embrace me." A cut caused more blood to seep into the white uniform.

"Accept me." Retsu closed her eyes. For just a second.

A swift, precise blow pierced through her heart. Hints of emotions appeared in the normally aloof and bored eyes: Retsu saw disappointment, and so much hurt. She closed her eyes, accepting this now.

But she wasn't allowed to go to darkness, to go to peace. She was ripped to the presence. She stood there, staring straight into the other pair of eyes, faint, green light pulsing still from her left hand. _Fight me, _they said so very clearly. Retsu wanted to look away. Why was she making this more difficult? Retsu had given her what she wanted – a free pass – yet she remained dissatisfied. Fingers on her chin ripped her attention back to her again, but this time Retsu stared slightly above these normally so emotionless eyes.

But blue eyes met blue eyes when soft lips crashed against hers.

Frozen.

Unbelievable, but a hint of...interest – after all, this was the very first time she had ever done this. And with this person too, how much peculiar could this get? Her hands moved before Retsu knew and pushed the same body above her away. Trembling fingers touched her mouth – now moist, but still tingling, eyes wide open.

"Look at the mess you've made for yourself. You've even deprived yourself _that_. Saving yourself for someone you will never allow yourself to reach. But fear not. I will do what you've been too cowardly to do. I will enjoy myself between the rounds of killing and healing him."

Retsu pierced her with a stare, the first one that lasted this long. "You will do no such thing."

"Indeed... I already imagine that massive body lying defenseless beneath me and-" She dodged a kidou spell. Retsu's glare had intensified.

"Hmm. Crawling back, are you? I see it in your eyes." Yachiru smirked.

"As you've already mentioned: I owe the current soutaichou _nothing_." She smiled back, eyes coming alive again, slightly.

She jumped off the dead grass and picked up her fallen comrade, silently apologizing for the wait. She dodged a knife and tried to contain Yachiru, but she dodged the first, slashed away the second, and pushed away the third bakudou spell with a well aimed kick.

She knew she couldn't win this fight, not like this, but she wouldn't make the same mistake again, and she needed to prolong everything. Just a minute more, surely something, _something _would happen that would change everything...

The fourth spell she deflected with bare hands.

"Minazuki." Retsu jumped through the green smoke and landed atop the giant fish. She was about to ask her to take her away, to safety, but it seemed the other was faster. Green blood spattered all around her, and the usual melodic voice yelped in pain. She didn't need to glance aside to know that one wing was sliced away, not much, but enough damage done to propel wielder and Zanpukutou to the ground. Retsu had barely enough time to dampen her fall.

She could barely dodge another blade aimed at her chest and she quickly realized her mistake. She could only stand there and witness the blade piercing the round eye and the screams intensifying. Minazuki dissolved into green mist and turned back to the solid hilt.

She couldn't lose, now. Worse still, she mustn't lose control. She must remain in control. To protect him from her. But her partner needed time to recover and kidou remained useless against the pure strength and reiatsu and experience.

Yachiru remained so much more superior offensively than Retsu was in defense and evasion. She could barely keep up with her speed and strength. So pathetic, she didn't even needed to resort to more drastic ways. She didn't even used the more dirtier methods or needed to heal herself.

Yachiru trapped her beneath her. She lost her balance, but she kept her momentum as Yachiru latched onto her falling body.

She had lost this one. She must resort to talking now, negotiation, the only option remaining now.

But she knew this wouldn't make a difference. She wouldn't listen. She felt helpless, she felt frustrated.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To be so defenseless, so useless, at the mercy of another... So much it makes you want to..." She trailed off at the sight of tears in Retsu's eyes. She froze. It seemed they were both surprised. Retsu hadn't expected the tears to come so quickly. She was right: what a mess she'd become. She brought a hand to the wetness, repulsed by what she witnessed.

She couldn't stop trembling as a hand – cooler than her own – slowly touched her cheek, and gently smeared away all traced of tears.

"About the boy. I was lying." One of the few times Yachiru wasn't focused on her eyes, her stare focused on her own fingers still resting on her cheek.

"...I know."

To be honest, it disgusted both of them to even _think _about that, at least that was what she wanted to be the truth. She wanted everything to remain purely motherly feelings, and respect and reverence.

Retsu, at least, wouldn't dare touch him in that manner and instigate such inappropriate things. But she did dream about this. For a lack of better word, she... desired herself. In her most darkest corners, she had always wanted to try this. She wanted to know whether this would give her more pleasure and satisfaction than fighting – no _healing _and caring for others. Well, almost.

Retsu slowly unwind her hair, and allowed the scar to be seen. She stared unmoving at surprised eyes, widened eyes. Then these eyes watered, but no tears fell.

Retsu smiled. Genuinely. She slowly returned the smile, far less bright, and much more hesitant. Retsu's fingers slowly moved to the hilt of her sword. Then moved higher and grazed her scar. Surprise again with her. Retsu watched her slowly bringing a hand down to her own scar, hovering close, expression unsure, so unlike the aloof, blank one, or even the blood thirsty, almost mad woman she showed moments ago. She gently covered her hand and assisted it to her scar.

Silence, then she lurched forward, embracing Retsu fiercely. A slight hiccup. They faced each other. She showed the most bright smile she had ever shown. "Thank you."

Retsu only shook her head. She closed her eyes, feeling her entering her, accepting her. Finally.

* * *

_I have no idea how I've come up with this, but keep your eyes out for more fics featuring this kind of concept..._


End file.
